A Fourth of July Retrospective

I haven't written anything on this blog in a long time.  When I was younger, and more pro-Democrat (let's face it, who wasn't during the Bush years), I wrote a blog postulating that the U.S. would never return to it's formal glory again, without a full fledged revolution.  I couldn't have been more than 16 when I posted it.  I barely understood politics, I just understood that I felt like what was going on was wrong, and that I wanted it to change, and that it didn't seem like anyone was doing anything to change it.

More than five years of being searched to and from every destination at the airport later... I had grown up.  I was mostly ignoring politics until about a year and a half ago actually.  Why?  Possibly for the same reason a lot of Americans ignore our politics: they're damned depressing.  More recently though, things are back to the point they were at when I was younger where I feel like: this is wrong, and nobody is trying to change it.

Maybe I should be afraid to speak candidly in today's political climate, where our freedom of speech is so obviously currently abridged.  I suppose a part of me feels like it's safe if only because there are far too many of us for them to stop all of us.  I doubt this blog will get enough attention to make me worth their while.

Yesterday was the 4th of July.  This is traditionally one of my favorite holidays despite the almost arbitrary nature of the date.  My family was never the most patriotic, not with the kind of blind zealotry that some families are.  They were very proud of our country though.  My dad got into a fight when I was younger with someone carving his initials into one of the red woods at a national park and I'm surprised he didn't deck the guy when he found out he wasn't from the U.S. 

We share that I suppose, a respect for the beauty this country has, and a respect for it's ideals.  You see, my family never needed to be crazy flag waving patriotic Americans.  My father embodies more than most what this country stands for.  He has always worked.  He worked his way through college, through multiple jobs, and eventually started his own business.  That business has taken hits thanks to the economy, but it's still standing, thriving, and moving forward.  Kind of like my dad, who has taken plenty of hits, but is still standing, thriving, and moving forward.

I have always wanted to be that and have that.  I'm 25 now, and my life is different.  It wasn't as difficult for me as it was for my father in some ways, and in others it was more difficult.  I finally, after some paperwork problems, got my degree.  Last autumn I took the first job.  It paid like shit.  I moved into my first apartment anyway.  We did a lot of shopping at the 99¢ Only shopping at the time.  I was ridiculously dependent on friends.  I wasn't really making enough to survive and losing part of my paycheck to taxes wasn't helping.  And then I broke up with my ex, and I had twice as much rent to worry about.

It was motivating though, and as much as I cried, and stressed, and cursed circumstance, it was the best thing that could've happened to me.  I found someone who would rent my living room and then set about finding a new job.  I landed the job I have now, which I love, and which pays better.  I didn't sleep a lot, but that's the way it goes some times...

So enough rambling about this year, we were talking about the 4th of July right?

Yesterday, as my favorite country station played the usual host of patriotic music for the 4th, I turned it off.  I felt nauseous.  It felt wrong.  "I'm proud to be an American" felt wrong.  The phrase "at least I know I'm free" felt wrong.  Because what America has become has nothing to do with why I'm proud to be an American.  And because for me to feel free, the Bill of Rights would have to still be standing strong.  Right now it's had so many things crossed out and amended that it's barely useful.  Freedom of speech, unless it creates panic, unless it's to criticizing of the government...

I've been ranting about politics a lot lately, to friend that don't really understand, or sometimes don't care.  Two responses recently really stuck with me.  The first was from my friend Patric who said, "I don't really mind living in a police state." 

The second came during a dating conversation.  I got into an argument with a hard core Democrat (we never went out on a date).  I told him I felt like Obama has betrayed the trust of the American people.  I felt like people had elected him in part to reverse the damage that Bush did to the civil liberties of the American people, and that in further damaging those freedoms guaranteed to us by the Bill of Rights.  His response was, "how is that a betrayal in the Age of the Imperial Presidency?" 

Is that where we are now?  People give Obama a pass because we have an expectation that our leaders will be corrupt, do wrong by us, and we're desensitized to our own oppression?  Do people understand that we've lost some of our most American attributes and simply not care?  Is that the level of apathy? 

The music-less fireworks last night had me singing the national anthem under my breath last night.  Something about the image of seeing our flag standing there after the war was breath-takingly sad to me.  I'm not sure that our country is going to come out of the place it's in now. 

I want to know what happened to a country full of people that wanted to work for what they got in life.  It feels like, especially in my generation, entitlement has replaced work ethic.  And complacency has replaced independence.